by Bas Timmermans
Publication: see magazine Hello gorgeous
Can you tell us what you do as a coach and how you got there?
I ended up in coaching through my job as a manager. After all, as a manager you are also a coach, I think. I saw that the insights and self-knowledge that a coachee gains also yielded a lot of benefits in their personal lives. Gradually I therefore started doing life coaching, with the methods of Essence Coaching (in which body and mind are approached integrally) and mindfulness exercises as a background.
I have broadened talking during coaching to body-oriented coaching. Since I was already a masseur in my spare time, I saw the positive effect of touch. So it was a logical step to apply that as a coach. Not only analyzing, but also contact with your body ensures that you look at things differently, and you start to feel better.
I work with intimacy. That quickly becomes a dangerous term, but for me the key to deep contact. Because it's about showing what you find difficult to show. Intimacy is also about sexuality, that aspect was added because I was discovering what suited me, I wanted to work taboo-breaking and not be put in a box.
More than half of the people in my practice are men. I'm generalizing a bit, but straight men often feel the need to discover their sensitivity. And gay men want to get rid of superficial physical contact and make real contact with their body and vulnerability.
What are your principles for coaching?
Taboo-breaking, non-judgmental and curious. People usually come to me in an unpleasant situation, with an issue. The solution often lies in acceptance of reality, how life presents itself. The situation doesn't change, but you can change your attitude about it by confronting it. Then you can, for example, face the fact that you simply cannot meet the demands that your boss makes of you. And that the solution is to look for another job.
I hold up a mirror to people who come to me curiously but without judgment and confront them with the norms, values and truths they believe. And what taboos they have and where they come from; mourning, sickness, death and old age. But also taboos related to sex. While they can actually lead to discoveries and acceptance of yourself. Often deeper layers emerge.
That is the bridge to body-oriented work. The wisdom in your body is amazing. We think it's all in our heads, but no matter how much you've forgotten or pushed away; it is stored in your body. And that comes back with touch, by going into your body. The mental resistance I encounter is physically present in your body and can be felt: hard spots and tense muscles, tendons that do not want to stretch. These are emotions and mental pain that are stored in your body, sometimes for a long time. When I go there with my hand, with warmth and attention, with love, those trapped energy and emotions are released. And then the tension disappears. Something happens physically and emotionally.
Hello gorgeous's main goal is to normalize HIV and to combat (self)stigma. How do you view that?
Stigma is a social judgment, what others think of deviating from the norm. Then ask yourself: what judgments about myself and learned patterns confirm that? Facing that is necessary to come to peace with yourself. Accept your "mistakes" or what didn't go the way you hoped. If you run away from that, you lose contact with yourself. Then you will stigmatize yourself. And what's inside, you ultimately radiate. Then you also lose contact with others.
In addition, you are always alert and on guard if you have to live with a secret. It takes a lot of energy and you never really relax physically. You can get physical complaints as a result.
Do you have practical tips that anyone can apply to make your life a little better?
Self love. Lost contact with yourself can be restored by paying genuine attention to yourself. Examine your thoughts, but explore and discover your body in the same way. Take the time for that: that body is yours, you can be happy with it! For example, do some sports and really feel your body, during the activity, but also afterwards: what do you notice, what feels good, where does it hurt?
You can also give yourself that attention through masturbation. Not by quickly working towards an orgasm, but by taking the time and feeling the sensations. Give yourself that attention and you'll feel better about yourself. By listening to yourself, you know what you need, so that you can also reconnect with others.
Working in a body-oriented way can also help. People I touch in my practice feel that they are alive again. The journey inwards makes you sensitive to what is happening in your body and you discover deeper layers; pleasure and pleasure, but also pain.
What is your own life motto?
Whatever works. What works, that works, that's what matters to me.
About Bas Timmermans
Bas started as an editor for structuring the site and building beautiful pages. Good texts and a strong image are basic requirements, but he gradually learned that an effective website requires more. As a project leader, he applied this in large web projects for the municipality of Amsterdam: integrating 40 intranets, restructuring and rewriting entire web components and completely rebuilding the English version of the municipality website. The emphasis in his projects has always been on content: cleaning, restructuring, improving and creating. During those projects, he focused more on 'building' content based on facts and research.
