I can praise myself happily with loving, long-term and beautiful relationships with both women and men and a nice group of friends around me. Sometimes there are also painful moments when a relationship ends or takes on a different form. At those moments I notice that I am constantly reinventing myself and others.
Both with permanent relationships and with long-term friendships, I experience how enriching these contacts are for my personal development. Because the other person constantly holds up a mirror to you. I immediately see the effect of my own attitude and behavior in the reaction of the other. That is not always fun, but it is enormously educational.
In my coaching practice I often work with relationship themes. It does not matter whether it concerns a relationship with family, valuable friendships, open relationships or a marriage. Relating starts with self-insight. Because by working on your contact with the other, you work on yourself… and vice versa!
Tips for a sustainable and healthy relationship
Our desire for connection stems from our primal desire for wholeness and unity. You experience that unity by connecting with your partner. Your partner mirrors aspects of yourself. This evokes a sense of recognition, but also creates resistance and confrontation. Partners who dare to be themselves and share their feelings can last longer with each other, research has shown. Below are six golden tips to make and keep your relationship healthy.
- Love yourself
- Accept yourself and the other
- Take responsibility
- Trust your partner
- Be warm to each other
- Enjoy the moment
1. Love yourself
In order to love another, it is imperative that you can go through one door with yourself. Self-love is therefore the basis for a healthy relationship. If you can accept all the pluses and minuses of yourself, that will result in much less hassle in the relationship. But often we are hindered by all kinds of critical voices within ourselves and we do not consider ourselves good enough. Can you really be who you are and can you embrace your own “weak spots”? When you see the beauty of your uniqueness, the other person can love you more too.
2. Accept yourself and the other
When you accept yourself it becomes a lot easier to accept the other person with all his idiosyncrasies. You recognize your own awkwardness and can then also see with a smile the - sometimes childish - behavior of the other. You recognize what lives in all of us: the need to be seen and accepted. When you are in your center, in your power, you are no longer concerned with criticizing the other and you do not have to change the other. When you show yourself as you are, with your vulnerability, your needs and desires, you are more authentic. Everyone intuitively knows immediately when they are dealing with an authentic person, because you immediately feel at ease.
3. Take responsibility
If you always let your happiness depend on someone else, that person can also make you unhappy. If you notice that you are always busy with the other person, then it is time to take responsibility for your own life. Stop being dependent on yourself, because this is not good for you and for the other. Rather take good care of yourself instead of expecting this from the other. If you know what you need, you will take better care of yourself and enjoy life more. You become aware of your own limits and desires. If you pronounce it, the other can connect to it. In this way you can give from abundance instead of from a shortage.
4. Trust your partner
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Without trust, there is no real intimacy, love and fulfillment possible. But how do we give and earn trust if it has been shamed by previous situations? And how do we ensure that we do not confuse trust with imposing demands, expectations and desires on the other? We often don't want to admit that there is something wrong with that foundation of trust in your relationship. The point is, it's an all-or-nothing issue: either you trust someone completely or you don't trust them. You can't trust your lover just a little bit.
5. Be warm to each other
You feel warm, protected and cherished when there is care for each other and intimacy in the relationship. Take the time to be consciously together, not only to do things together, but also to simply be. Consciously feel the connection between your heart and that of your partner. Feel a loving connection, in which there is attention for each other and also freedom. Not a straitjacket but a gathering in which life energy is exchanged. Tantra exercises can help to experience this more consciously together. When you let go of your resistance, space is created for a deeper connection and you let the hard shell around you melt away. The vulnerability and the emotion may also be there in silence and in openness. And sometimes you just need to be alone for a while. Be aware of that balance, in yourself and the other. And don't feel rejected if the other person asks for space to be alone.
6. Enjoy the moment
Many people are afraid of losing the other. Or they experience pressure to have to meet all kinds of expectations of the other. When you allow yourself to dare to be in the moment, all these fears disappear. Be aware that you are together now. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but now. The future is uncertain, it could all be different tomorrow. It may even be over by tomorrow. Just let go tomorrow, just right now, without fear of what might come. And show the other what you are feeling at the moment. This requires openness and daring to be vulnerable. This is easier if you create a moment of rest and relaxation together. A moment without expectations and automatic response patterns.
Relationship hit
Marit de Jong interviewed several inspiring personalities about relationships, under the title “Insights in Relationship Hit”. Maintaining a relationship isn't always easy and sometimes it feels like torment. Its mission is: to develop new ideas about relationship skills. Below you will find an interview by Marit de Jong with Lenne Gieles about self-exploration in relationships. Check out all of her videos on her Youtube Channel.
You can learn to relate
An important source of inspiration in guiding couples is the booklet "You can learn relationships" by relationship therapist and coach Patricia van Lingen. For years she searched for the key to a loving relationship, until she discovered that it lay within itself. Because only when you yourself are in balance, you can also attract a partner in balance. The book “You can learn relationships” teaches you to look at yourself and your relationship in a completely different way and to break through stuck patterns. By improving communication in your relationship and finding your inner balance, your relationship will become more loving and harmonious.
