Partial circles

In a “sharing circle” or a “Heartcircle” – as sharing circles are also called – we take the time to listen to each other. There is plenty of room to be together and share what is going on inside you.

This is a challenging time for all of us. Since corona, people have been working from home more. Social media such as Instagram and Most of us have less physical contact with each other and social contacts have become more purposeful. But we are evolutionarily social beings, “herd animals”. Our natural habitat is with each other, in small groups. In order to feel good, it is therefore important to connect with others and with yourself in a different way every now and then.

What is the background of sharing circles?
Sharing circles or heart circles have a long tradition among indigenous communities, including in North America. In these communities, they ensure that everyone has equal opportunities to share their concerns, opinions and ideas. Sharing circles became popular in the 1970s as a form of therapy. Today, these circles provide deeply connected communities, people can feed each other and there can be for each other.

What added value does a sharing circle have?
A sharing circle offers the opportunity for every voice to be heard, respected and appreciated. We usually talk to others about everything that is going well. We don't want to complain or act negative. When you also share what your dilemmas and struggles are, something magical arises. If you share what really lies on your heart, it turns out we can recognize so much in each other. You suddenly feel supported by the others. It is amazing how quickly a sense of belonging develops when there is a safe atmosphere.

“With every heart circle I experience gratitude for the gift of openness, vulnerability and care that is shared,” says Tijs Breuer. “By connecting at the heart level, we open ourselves to the essence of the other. Sometimes there is resistance to the other person's stories, but soon you experience the willingness to let go of the other person's need for evaluation, assessment or comparison. ”

How does a sharing circle work?
The facilitator first explains the rules of the game: everything shared in the circle remains in the circle. We speak in the “I” form and focus on sharing our own feelings. We do not comment on what anyone else has said. A Talking Stick is a beautiful tool that gives us the courage to speak the truth and the power to speak from the heart.
The Talking Stick is passed on. In an online circle, each of the participants has their own Stick. They can put their Stick in front of them and only hold it when it is their turn to speak.

The person holding the Talking Stick speaks without being interrupted by the others. The others are encouraged to listen carefully. We do not judge and do not advise each other. But we look at what we recognize and can learn from each other. You can choose not to speak. You hold the Talking Stick and can simply remain silent for a while or hand the Stick respectfully to the next person, until the item has been passed on to everyone. Sometimes the time is limited, for example to 6 minutes per person and 1 round. Sometimes all time is given and several partial rounds are possible.

For whom are sharing circles organized?
Now that we cannot physically come together in groups due to the spread of the coronavirus, online sharing circles are emerging everywhere. The online sharing circles that Tijs facilitates are primarily intended for participants in my meditation and massage meetings and their friends. But everyone is very welcome. Because for sharing circles it is not necessary that you already know each other.

facilitator
Tijs Breuer has become familiar with sharing circles from an early age, including in the residential group in which he grew up. From the age of 17 he guided sharing circles on the weekends.transformation work" for youth. He also did this as a co-trainer at the Essence coaching training, as a circuit leader at The Circles and as a facilitator of local heart circles at the Radical Faeries. In the workshops and meetups that he leads, mixed and specific for men, there is always room for sharing experiences and feelings. In many places, for women,moon circlesOrganized.

Please be patient ...

April 21, 2020 - Update coronavirus Covid-19

The national government has announced that we still have to wait until May 20, 2020 (or longer) before massages can be given again. “We will continue with the corona approach in the Netherlands together. Washing hands, staying at home as much as possible, working from home, keeping your distance - all measures advised by the experts - will be extended. ” 

Also in the practice "Neptunus Wellbeing" of Tijs Breuer applies that for the time being no massage treatment and bodywork is given. Online Coaching, walking coaching and coaching on location is still possible. It is kept 1,5 meters away and all previously announced precautionary measures continue to apply.

“The good news is that I will soon have face masks available,” says Tijs Breuer. “One of my clients from China, who attended a number of retreat days with me last year, sent me masks. I am very grateful to him for that, because there are still no masks available for the private sector. ”

Tijs is also surprised that clients from abroad are now registering for online sessions. “Last week I gave an online tantra session to someone from New Jersey, United States. I also currently coach managers in the United Kingdom and Belgium through online leadership coaching. ”

Meanwhile, he has not been idle and has broadened his offer, responding to questions from clients. You can now also find movement exercises and meditations on this website. And on Insight Timer this week is the first meditation van Tijs published. More than 250 people have already listened to this meditation.

Massage practice remains closed

April 1, 2020 - Update new coronavirus COVID-19

Unfortunately, the massage practice “Neptunus Wellbeing” of Tijs Breuer will remain closed for the time being. This applies to all massage treatments, body work and body-oriented coaching. Online Coaching, walking coaching and coaching on location is still possible. It is kept 1,5 meters away and all previously announced precautionary measures continue to apply.

The reason for this is that on March 31, 2020, the Cabinet decided that all corona measures in the Netherlands are extended until Tuesday 28 April. The practice of all types of contact professions is prohibited, as long as it is not possible to keep a distance of 1,5 meters from the customer. This applies to masseurs, hairdressers, nail stylists, escort services and driving instructors, among others.

There will be one exception made for the treatment of (para) medical professions, if there is an individual medical indication and the practitioner is able to comply with all hygiene requirements. If you have a referral from a doctor, chiropractor or, for example, from a (pelvic) physiotherapist, you can possibly do so. be treated anyway.

What are the symptoms of the new coronavirus COVID-19?

The symptoms are fever and respiratory complaints such as cold, runny nose, sneezing, sore throat, cough, shortness of breath and pneumonia.

I think I have the new corona virus. What should I do?

The following applies to everyone:

  • Stay at home with mild colds such as colds, runny nose, sneezing, sore throat, cough, increase to 38 degrees or fever. 
  • Avoid social contact. You can also not receive a visit or visit and do not do any shopping. Call the doctor only if the symptoms worsen (more than 38 degrees fever and difficulty breathing) and you need medical attention.
  • If you feel better and have had no health problems for 24 hours, you are cured. Then you can no longer infect others.

What can I do to prevent the new coronavirus from spreading?

The main measures you can take to prevent the spread of the coronavirus are very simple. Being:

  • Stay at home as much as possible
  • Wash your hands regularly with soap and water
  • Cough and sneeze into the inside of your elbow
  • Use tissue paper
  • Do not shake hands
  • Keep 1,5 meters (2 arm lengths) away from others

Pay a little attention to each other

About the prevention of negative effects of social distancing

In response to the coronavirus pandemic (COVID-19), the government is asking us to do something that is not obvious to people: stay away from each other. Social distance is crucial to slow down the spread of the virus and prevent our healthcare system from becoming overwhelmed. But it is against people's nature and therefore will not be easy for many.

“The coronavirus that is spreading around the world is calling us to suppress our human and evolutionary deep-seated impulses for connection: seeing our friends, gathering in groups, or touching each other,” says Nicholas Christakis (Yale University).

If social isolation lasts longer, it increases the risk of various health problems, including heart disease, dementia and even death. People who are lonely have a higher level of the hormone cortisol, an indicator of stress. They show weaker immune responses to pathogens, according to research from the University of Washington's Center for the Science of Social Connection. Lonely students responded more weakly to non-lonely students to flu vaccinations. 

Isolation can also lead to depression and thoughts of suicide. Meta-analyzes by Julianne Holt-Lunstad (Brigham Young University) show that chronic social isolation increases the risk of death by as much as 29%.

Is everyone equally susceptible to stress due to social isolation? 

“Someone who already has problems with things like social anxiety, depression, loneliness, substance abuse or other health problems will become particularly vulnerable,” said Chris Segrin (University of Arizona).

A recent report from the British National Academy of Sciences highlights some reasons why the elderly in particular may be susceptible to this. The loss of family or friends, chronic illnesses and sensory impairments such as hearing loss, making communication more difficult, worsen the situation in many elderly people. 

Social contacts mitigate the negative effects of stress. Laboratory studies (also from Holt-Lunstad) show that the presence of a friend reduces the cardiovascular response to a stressful task. Human touch is also essential for our well-being. A soft hug or holding a person's hand triggers oxytocin, which helps regulate your fight or flight system and soothe your body during times of stress.

What can we do about this? 

Increased awareness of these effects can prompt us to stay connected and take positive action. Hence the remark by Prime Minister Rutte: "Pay attention to each other". 

The good news is that "just knowing you have someone you can count on when you need it is enough to dampen stress responses, even if that person is not physically present," said Holt-Lunstad. Research into altruism has shown that giving support reduces stress even more than receiving support. It can also help us feel more connected to others.

Anyone can take a phone in their hand and approach each other to ask how they are doing and what someone else needs. A listening ear works wonders. So now is the time to contact friends and family. Let people know how much you care about them. While physical human contact is best, a phone call with a real voice is better than text, and video chat is better than a phone call.

What you say is also important. When you are stressed and upset, talking about your feelings can help. You may not feel better, but you feel less alone. If you are listening to the other person, resist the impulse to argue or debate, deny his story, or tell him not to worry. At that moment it is mainly your task to listen and show that you understand and accept his feelings. This process - one person shares something vulnerable and the other responds with understanding and care - is the fundamental foundation for good, close relationships.

Are you alone in quarantine at home and not allowed to touch anyone because you are infected with COVID-19? Then borrow your neighbor's dog. An affectionate pet measurably reduces stress and increases your levels of oxytocin. According to WHO guidelines, touching pets is safe.

In memoriam: Wim Pas

Every goodbye means the birth of a memory. Last Tuesday, Wim Pas unexpectedly passed away in the home of his son Robin. He looks back on a year of love and transformation.

After a search of a few days through his beloved Rik, Wim was found in the home of his son Robin in the shower. He was already deceased then. He was admitted to hospital the day before because he was in pain, but they found nothing and sent him home again. If you ever had a meetup from the group last year Men in Touch NL have visited, chances are that you have met Wim. Wim can look back on a year of transformation, during which he intensively expressed intimacy and love with other men. He was full of deep happiness lately and lived full in the moment. Wim, we love you. You continue to exist in our hearts.

Recently, on the way back from Tienhoven to Nijmegen, Wim wrote me the following words:

It is never too late for Love
You become a flower that opens

Deep in the Lakelands of the West
Where Purple hides the Dragon's nest
And Darkness Reigns Beneath the Blue
A silver hissing kisses you
And Yellow words whispered break through

The Song of a Thousand Teardrops

Six Wings She has
Though She won't flee
Her Island full of mystery

One Eye She has
Though She can't See
just MIRRORING Necessity

The Skin of the Rainbow Dragon

It is never too late for Love
You become a flower that opens.

His last message: “Don't blow away”

Relationships and self-understanding

I can praise myself happily with loving, long-term and beautiful relationships with both women and men and a nice group of friends around me. Sometimes there are also painful moments when a relationship ends or takes on a different form. At those moments I notice that I am constantly reinventing myself and others.

Both with permanent relationships and with long-term friendships, I experience how enriching these contacts are for my personal development. Because the other person constantly holds up a mirror to you. I immediately see the effect of my own attitude and behavior in the reaction of the other. That is not always fun, but it is enormously educational.

In my coaching practice I often work with relationship themes. It does not matter whether it concerns a relationship with family, valuable friendships, open relationships or a marriage. Relating starts with self-insight. Because by working on your contact with the other, you work on yourself… and vice versa!

Tips for a sustainable and healthy relationship

Our desire for connection stems from our primal desire for wholeness and unity. You experience that unity by connecting with your partner. Your partner mirrors aspects of yourself. This evokes a sense of recognition, but also creates resistance and confrontation. Partners who dare to be themselves and share their feelings can last longer with each other, research has shown. Below are six golden tips to make and keep your relationship healthy.

  1. Love yourself
  2. Accept yourself and the other
  3. Take responsibility
  4. Trust your partner
  5. Be warm to each other
  6. Enjoy the moment

1. Love yourself

In order to love another, it is imperative that you can go through one door with yourself. Self-love is therefore the basis for a healthy relationship. If you can accept all the pluses and minuses of yourself, that will result in much less hassle in the relationship. But often we are hindered by all kinds of critical voices within ourselves and we do not consider ourselves good enough. Can you really be who you are and can you embrace your own “weak spots”? When you see the beauty of your uniqueness, the other person can love you more too.

2. Accept yourself and the other

When you accept yourself it becomes a lot easier to accept the other person with all his idiosyncrasies. You recognize your own awkwardness and can then also see with a smile the - sometimes childish - behavior of the other. You recognize what lives in all of us: the need to be seen and accepted. When you are in your center, in your power, you are no longer concerned with criticizing the other and you do not have to change the other. When you show yourself as you are, with your vulnerability, your needs and desires, you are more authentic. Everyone intuitively knows immediately when they are dealing with an authentic person, because you immediately feel at ease.

3. Take responsibility

If you always let your happiness depend on someone else, that person can also make you unhappy. If you notice that you are always busy with the other person, then it is time to take responsibility for your own life. Stop being dependent on yourself, because this is not good for you and for the other. Rather take good care of yourself instead of expecting this from the other. If you know what you need, you will take better care of yourself and enjoy life more. You become aware of your own limits and desires. If you pronounce it, the other can connect to it. In this way you can give from abundance instead of from a shortage.

4. Trust your partner

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Without trust, there is no real intimacy, love and fulfillment possible. But how do we give and earn trust if it has been shamed by previous situations? And how do we ensure that we do not confuse trust with imposing demands, expectations and desires on the other? We often don't want to admit that there is something wrong with that foundation of trust in your relationship. The point is, it's an all-or-nothing issue: either you trust someone completely or you don't trust them. You can't trust your lover just a little bit.

5. Be warm to each other

You feel warm, protected and cherished when there is care for each other and intimacy in the relationship. Take the time to be consciously together, not only to do things together, but also to simply be. Consciously feel the connection between your heart and that of your partner. Feel a loving connection, in which there is attention for each other and also freedom. Not a straitjacket but a gathering in which life energy is exchanged. Tantra exercises can help to experience this more consciously together. When you let go of your resistance, space is created for a deeper connection and you let the hard shell around you melt away. The vulnerability and the emotion may also be there in silence and in openness. And sometimes you just need to be alone for a while. Be aware of that balance, in yourself and the other. And don't feel rejected if the other person asks for space to be alone.

6. Enjoy the moment

Many people are afraid of losing the other. Or they experience pressure to have to meet all kinds of expectations of the other. When you allow yourself to dare to be in the moment, all these fears disappear. Be aware that you are together now. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but now. The future is uncertain, it could all be different tomorrow. It may even be over by tomorrow. Just let go tomorrow, just right now, without fear of what might come. And show the other what you are feeling at the moment. This requires openness and daring to be vulnerable. This is easier if you create a moment of rest and relaxation together. A moment without expectations and automatic response patterns.

Relationship hit

Marit de Jong interviewed several inspiring personalities about relationships, under the title “Insights in Relationship Hit”. Maintaining a relationship isn't always easy and sometimes it feels like torment. Its mission is: to develop new ideas about relationship skills. Below you will find an interview by Marit de Jong with Lenne Gieles about self-exploration in relationships. Check out all of her videos on her Youtube Channel.

You can learn to relate

An important source of inspiration in guiding couples is the booklet "You can learn relationships" by relationship therapist and coach Patricia van Lingen. For years she searched for the key to a loving relationship, until she discovered that it lay within itself. Because only when you yourself are in balance, you can also attract a partner in balance. The book “You can learn relationships” teaches you to look at yourself and your relationship in a completely different way and to break through stuck patterns. By improving communication in your relationship and finding your inner balance, your relationship will become more loving and harmonious.

Energy work for gay men

Anyone looking for energy work will soon come across the offerings from the tantric tradition. This supply mainly consists of women who provide treatments to men and men who provide treatments to women. Or they focus on hetero couples. Many men prefer energy work with another man and thus end up with Tijs Breuer. Tijs makes no distinction, it does not matter whether you identify yourself as gay, bisexual, straight, transgender or as a non-binary person. Tantric work is valuable for every gender and every orientation and Tijs welcomes everyone.

When experiencing the flow of life energy, some still assume that this energy always flows from men to women. This is an outdated view, in which the ancient tantric texts have been misinterpreted. Energy exchange takes place everywhere. Each person has both masculine (giving) and feminine (receiving) energy. So you can just as well receive treatment from a woman, a man, transgender or a non-binary person.  

GAY-TANTRA® is also a specific form of Tantra, specially developed for this purpose by Armin Heining. Gay men or men with bisexual feelings have specific concerns and needs. With these Tantra treatments there is plenty of room to allow everything in yourself and to be yourself completely. A bridge is built between spirituality and sexuality, which creates a feeling of liberation. 

Acceptance of gay men in a hetero-normative environment

Although homosexuality is fully accepted in our society, you sometimes see certain dogmas about masculinity and femininity emerge, which make many gay men feel unwelcome in personal development groups. Although Margot Anand's movement was non-conformist from the start, there appeared to be no place in these groups for men who are attracted to other men. While energy exchange with someone of the same sex has never been a problem in tantric traditions. For that reason, Armin Heining started GAY-TANTRA® in 1992 as a response to this. GAY-TANTRA® is a translation of the SkyDancing-Tantra® method to the world of loving men of the same sex.

Be happy SkyDancing-Tantra® insights have changed over the years. “Because many people within our movement are looking for a better sexuality or relationship with each other, the misunderstanding has arisen that the union between Energy and Consciousness must always take place through a ritual meditation between a woman and a man. This is not true and enlightenment may as well be achieved simply through meditation with yourself or with someone of the same sex. For example, when you dive deep into the rising and shivering feeling of longing or joy. Or when you discover the infinite space that lies between the inhalation and the exhalation.”

Tijs Breuer is a certified GAY-TANTRA® energy masseur and extacy masseur. He does not distance himself from other forms of Tantra, but integrates different styles and methods of breath and energy work to suit your needs. Because ecstasy and enlightenment go beyond orientations and preferences. The ancient traditions and teachings from tantra are a beautiful source of inspiration for expanding your consciousness and strengthening your life energy. But they should never be used to justify any relational or sexual preference, orientation or behavior. I therefore invite you to look beyond your (gay) identity.